you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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