I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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