is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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