i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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