Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
