I cockslap morals
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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