You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
