it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
