my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
