I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
