The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
