You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
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i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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