Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
third nipple confirmed
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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