checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
