making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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