White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
