i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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