I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
