I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
