a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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