And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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