I just pynch a tree in the face
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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