And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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