Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
