i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
pop tarts are not kleenex
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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