got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I wish you could order shots online.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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