i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
