Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
