And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize
