i just made my gag reflex go away.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
