Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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