I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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