worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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