So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
