Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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