i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
