I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
