Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album