and you said cock pushups were impossible
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You ruined the universe
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
