my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
