Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
