i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
