She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
