im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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