The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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