you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
