This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
