peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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