sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
