Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
