I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
