I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
