he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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