i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
