I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
