so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
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