Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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