I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
