Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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