I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
