If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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