I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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