last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
