she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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