tonight lets celebrate not being married
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
